white chocolate snickerdoodle blondies (and a working mom's lament)

No one ever told me it would be this hard... the balancing act, that is.  I feel like my mind is racing with idea after idea after idea of what I would love to do to be a better Christian, a better daughter, a better wife, a better employee, a better... well... mom.  When things settle at the end of a day, the boys are in bed, and the house is perfectly still, the question hits me from all sides.  

What kind of mom was I today?

I was so very blessed to be home for the first years with my boys.  Well, actually, I had a small music business that served nearly 100 children and families, but it allowed me unbelievable flexibility and it was the next best thing to being home.  When the boys were three and five and I had the opportunity to go back to work full-time, there was a fire inside of me that was lit immediately, and the excitement of becoming another version of myself was fascinating.  I was in grad school at the time, I was craving more and more knowledge, and I was ready to do it all.  

Then I did.  

And the big burning fire was quickly squelched by that big, fat, ugly monster with whom all of us moms have become dear, dear friends.

GUILT.

Flash forward seven years, and I still question myself on the worst of days.  But rather than being swallowed up by it, I'm trying to remind myself of what I am providing my children.  Along with those stressed, short-tempered, call-it-like-you-see-it kind of mom moments from time to time, I'm allowing myself to recognize I am showing my boys how to work hard, how to apologize when you've directed your stress towards others needlessly, how to calm down when anger gets the best of you, and how to follow a life's calling within a career path that allows you to get outside of your own self - and them -  and influence others, learn from others, share gifts with others, and be blessed by seeing others do the same.

I admit I've longed, more times than not, to be the mom with the warm, homemade treats (like the ones below) to greet my children after a long day at school and practice.  Or to be the mom who can have the laundry washed and stacked and ready to be put away all while a full, rounded out meal is spread on the table when the family walks in the door.  But I have learned that the quick drive-thrus, or the package of Oreos are just as wonderful - and appreciated.  

So I implore moms everywhere… especially those who are working tirelessly outside of the home…  As Satan comes prowling about, clothed in the "guilt attire," tell him to get behind you! Rest in the peace God calls us to have in Him.  He is proud of you, and so are your children. And honestly, in the end, isn't that all that really matters anyway?

White Chocolate Chip Snickerdoodle Blondies
makes one 9x13 pan

• 2 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup light brown sugar
• 1 tbsp ground cinnamon
• 2 large eggs
• 1 egg yolk
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 cup white chocolate chips
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1/4 cup milk or half-and-half
• 1/4 tsp vanilla

~ Heat oven to 350 degrees and spray 9x13 pan with non-stick spray.

~ In a small bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon and set aside.

~ In a large bowl, beat butter on high until light and creamy.  Add sugars.  

~ Gradually add in eggs and vanilla.  

~ Slowly add in dry ingredients, on low, a little at a time,  just until combined.  Stir in 

   chips.

~ Spread into pan.

~ Bake 22-26 minutes until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.  Cool.

~  While cooling, mix powdered sugar, milk, and 1/4 tsp vanilla in bowl until smooth.  

     Drizzle over cooled bars and cut into 24 squares.  

Recipe adapted from Sallys Baking Addiction.

book it and cook it; cynthia's lemon squares

On Wednesday evening, [Father Tim] took a shower and dressed, and prepared to visit his new neighbor in her tiny house next door.  Cynthia Coppersmith had done as promised and invited him to dinner.  And the invitation, it seemed to him, was perfectly timed.  

The last of his Rector's Meatloaf was gone, and good riddance.  To his chagrin, he'd used more oatmeal than before, which resulted in the most unsavory concotion he'd tasted in years.  But he had soldiered on and eaten the entire loaf over a period of several days.  He was so ashamed of it, he had hidden it at the back of the refrigerator, where he hoped Puny wouldn't find it.

Every light in the small house glowed warmly through the heavy mist that lay upon the village. "Pleasant!" he said, aloud.  "A small house for a small person."  He lifted the old brass knocker and rapped three times.

(excerpt from At Home in Mitford)

By this point, Father Tim has thoroughly enjoyed the company of his new beast-of-a-dog and scripture-loving Barnabas, but he still longs for companionship of another.  A wife.  One to sit in his study and listen to his readings of Wordsworth and share in the comforts of a good slice of pie.  Hmm... I can't help but wonder if Ms. Coppersmith might be that one.  A petite and creative sort, she just might fit the bill.  

I was an instant fan of her lemon bars, although a bit nervous as they baked the first time I tried them.  The "curd" was so runny for so long - well into the time I set for it to bake - I thought for sure I had messed up the recipe.  But as I frantically searched other recipes to see if something was missing, noting that many other lemon bars call for flour in the curd where as this one doesn't, I took one more hopeful peek in the oven only to find the top layer had suddenly set beautifully.  All that worry for nothing.

To me, lemon bars on a red and white transfer-ware plate are the epitome of Southern and could find their place on a number of table spreads belonging to our well-loved Mitford characters.  With a light dusting of powdered sugar right before serving, you and your guests are sure to love these.  A perfect Spring treat!

Cynthia's Lemon Squares - makes one 9x13 dish

Ingredients:

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup plus 2-4 tbsp. confectioners sugar
• 1 cup plus 2 tbsp. unsalted butter
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1/4 tsp. plus 1/8 tsp. salt
• 2 cups granulated sugar
• 2 tbsp. cornstarch
• 5 large eggs, at room temperature
• 1 tbsp. grated lemon zest
• 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice

~ Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

~ Coat a 9x13-inch pan with nonstick cooking spray.

~ Place the flour, 1/2 cup of the confectioners' sugar, 1 cup of the butter, the vanilla and 1/4

    tsp. salt in the bowl of an electric mixer and mix on medium speed until combined.

~ Pat the batter into the pan and bake for 18 minutes, or until a light gold color.

~ Melt the remaining 2 tbsp. butter in a small saucepan over low heat. Set aside to cool

    slightly.

~ Meanwhile, in a bowl of an electric mixer, combine the granulated sugar and cornstarch.  

~ Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

~ Add the lemon zest, juice, 1/8 tsp. salt, and the melted butter and beat well.

~ Pour the lemon mixture over the crust and bake for another 20-25 minutes, or until set.

~ Let cool completely, chill, and cut into squares. 

~ Sift 2-4 tbsp. of confectioners' sugar over the lemon squares.

Recipe from The Mitford Cookbook and Kitchen Reader