white chocolate snickerdoodle blondies (and a working mom's lament)

No one ever told me it would be this hard... the balancing act, that is.  I feel like my mind is racing with idea after idea after idea of what I would love to do to be a better Christian, a better daughter, a better wife, a better employee, a better... well... mom.  When things settle at the end of a day, the boys are in bed, and the house is perfectly still, the question hits me from all sides.  

What kind of mom was I today?

I was so very blessed to be home for the first years with my boys.  Well, actually, I had a small music business that served nearly 100 children and families, but it allowed me unbelievable flexibility and it was the next best thing to being home.  When the boys were three and five and I had the opportunity to go back to work full-time, there was a fire inside of me that was lit immediately, and the excitement of becoming another version of myself was fascinating.  I was in grad school at the time, I was craving more and more knowledge, and I was ready to do it all.  

Then I did.  

And the big burning fire was quickly squelched by that big, fat, ugly monster with whom all of us moms have become dear, dear friends.

GUILT.

Flash forward seven years, and I still question myself on the worst of days.  But rather than being swallowed up by it, I'm trying to remind myself of what I am providing my children.  Along with those stressed, short-tempered, call-it-like-you-see-it kind of mom moments from time to time, I'm allowing myself to recognize I am showing my boys how to work hard, how to apologize when you've directed your stress towards others needlessly, how to calm down when anger gets the best of you, and how to follow a life's calling within a career path that allows you to get outside of your own self - and them -  and influence others, learn from others, share gifts with others, and be blessed by seeing others do the same.

I admit I've longed, more times than not, to be the mom with the warm, homemade treats (like the ones below) to greet my children after a long day at school and practice.  Or to be the mom who can have the laundry washed and stacked and ready to be put away all while a full, rounded out meal is spread on the table when the family walks in the door.  But I have learned that the quick drive-thrus, or the package of Oreos are just as wonderful - and appreciated.  

So I implore moms everywhere… especially those who are working tirelessly outside of the home…  As Satan comes prowling about, clothed in the "guilt attire," tell him to get behind you! Rest in the peace God calls us to have in Him.  He is proud of you, and so are your children. And honestly, in the end, isn't that all that really matters anyway?

White Chocolate Chip Snickerdoodle Blondies
makes one 9x13 pan

• 2 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup light brown sugar
• 1 tbsp ground cinnamon
• 2 large eggs
• 1 egg yolk
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 cup white chocolate chips
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1/4 cup milk or half-and-half
• 1/4 tsp vanilla

~ Heat oven to 350 degrees and spray 9x13 pan with non-stick spray.

~ In a small bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon and set aside.

~ In a large bowl, beat butter on high until light and creamy.  Add sugars.  

~ Gradually add in eggs and vanilla.  

~ Slowly add in dry ingredients, on low, a little at a time,  just until combined.  Stir in 

   chips.

~ Spread into pan.

~ Bake 22-26 minutes until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.  Cool.

~  While cooling, mix powdered sugar, milk, and 1/4 tsp vanilla in bowl until smooth.  

     Drizzle over cooled bars and cut into 24 squares.  

Recipe adapted from Sallys Baking Addiction.